Christophe Flips Out in the Birds

SELLER: Christophe and Daniell Schatteman
LOCATION: Blue Jay Way, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $4,795,000
SIZE: 2,664 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Enjoy incredible 180 degree views from Griffith Park to Santa Monica Bay to the Malibu mountains from this unique promontory property on famed Blue Jay Way. Original, hip, tasteful three bed, three bath mid-century features floor-to-ceiling glass, nice kitchen, den w/fireplace. Grassy yard w/great pool overlooking view. Renovate to live in permanently or develop a tour de force on one of the most spectacular home sites in the Birds.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Ladies who lunch and men with coiffured hair all up and down Sunset Boulevard know exactly who Christophe Schatteman is, but all you peeple East of Pasadena would be forgiven for not recognizing his name. So let Your Mama educate you a minute on this man. He is a fancy hair dresser who like Cher and Madonna only uses his first name. So he’s not really Christophe Schatteman, he’s “Christophe!” Pronounced Crease-toff, thank you.

Big names roll up to Christophe!’s eponymous Beverly Hills salon every day. Christophe! has cut and fluffed the tresses of countless Hollywood luminaries including Barbra Streisand (natch), Nicole Kidman, Sally Field, Goldie Hawn, and Ted Danson, even though he doesn’t have much hair of his own anymore.

But perhaps Christophe! is most famous for the infamous haircut he gave President Bill Clinton back in 1993. Back then Christophe! was doing Babs’ diva bob and Linda BloodworthThomason‘s filthy rich hair. Both were and are big Democratic supporters, and as the story goes, Billy was sitting on Air Force One at LAX when he decided he needed to get his hair cut. So Babs or Linda or one of their peeps gave Billy’s peeps the telephone number for Christophe! who rushed right out to the tarmac at LAX and proceeded to cut Billy’s hair. At the time Christophe! charged $200 to cut a head of hair.

Well don’t you know the press took that story about Billy getting a fancy $200 Beverly Hills haircut and reported it like it mattered. If any of you remember 1993, you’ll remember that story was played around the clock on the news channels as if it were the most important thing happening in the world. Take note Paris, the mainstream news media reporting meaningless stories 24 hours a day is nothing new, and you’re not the first not will you be the last to have CNN focssed on tawdry stories as if they were news. Your Mama sincerely wishes the big news outlets would leave the silly stories to the blogs and gossip mavens to discuss ad infinitum and focus on NEWS. The plight of Paris is interesting, but it’s not actual NEWS that should be on NEWS channels. But that’s a another issue for another day.

Two hundred bucks sounds almost like bargain in today’s hair cutting world where shag super star Sally Hershberger, whose house remains for sale for $6,500,000, charges upwards of $600 to slice and dice a head of hair. But you have to remember the Bill Clinton debacle took place in 1993 and Christophe! charges considerably more to put his hands on and scissors in your hair nowadays.

More recently Christophe! was seen as a guest judge on the Bravo’s reality show Shear Genius. We loved that show until Tabatha got unfairly nixxed and we had to stop watching out of protest. The lady in black should have won that stoopid reality show contest.

Anyhoo, Christophe! and his wifey Daniell purchased this Bird Streets aerie only one year ago in June of 2006. And, get this children, property records reveal they paid $2,800,000 for the house. Which means the couple is attempting to flip the place at a $2,000,000 profit. Greedy or savvy? You decide.

Your Mama knows that location means a lot in real estate, and the Bird Streets are indeed a prime location. But still…. We can’t be sure and we have no proof besides the language of the listing, but it appears to Your Mama that Christophe! and Daniell have done little to nothing to this house besides fill it with a truck load of white furniture. Which looks lovely and romantic. Unless you have pets. Or children. Or guests who might want to eat or drink a little something while visiting.

The well paid hair dresser and his wifey have not even replaced the tacky and tatty bamboo fencing behind the swimming pool. Please! Christophe! Call the damn landscapers and have that piece of shit fencing ripped out and replaced with some nice, low hedging. Seriously. It’s the very least you can do if you’re looking to make a couple million flipping this house.

Don’t get Your Mama wrong. We think the house has tons of possibility. The terrazzo floors are fantastic and help keep the house cool in the scorching heat of the summer. We love the walls of glass that open the house to the backyard and provide unobstructed views over Los Angeles. We even like the simply shaped swimming pool, although we’re not so fond of the tile work around it.

We can live with the 1980s all white Donna Karanesque interiors. They have a certain nostalgic appeal. We note the Wassily chair in the living room and the Saarinen chairs around the dining room table. They are lovely and their modernist pedigree goes well with the house. We also appreciate that the Schatteman’s have wisely paired these modernist pieces with not modernist furniture which helps the place not to look like a sad cliché of a modern house.

But even still, we can’t seem to get past the huge price mark up. Your Mama wishes Christophe! and Daniell all the luck in the world getting this place sold. And if they can do it anywhere near $4.8 million, we bow down to their real estate prowess.

Sources: NY Times, Internet Movie Data Base

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