Helmer touts 'Inland Empire' thesp Dern, cheese

HOLLYWOOD — David Lynch’s unorthodox approach to awards campaigning today threatened to stop traffic on Sunset Blvd.

Cars slowed to a crawl, drivers agog at sight of helmer camped out in the parking lot of Tower Records with a large ‘for your consideration’ banner and a live cow.

“I’m here to promote Laura Dern who I think you’ll agree gave an incredible performance that’s going to live,” Lynch said. “I think the Academy members love showbusiness — and this is the showbusiness approach.”

Alongside Lynch’s pitch was a banner with the slogan ‘WITHOUT CHEESE THERE WOULDN’T BE AN INLAND EMPIRE.’

Lynch’s reasoning was simple: “I ate a lot of cheese during the making of ‘Inland Empire.’”

Helmer similarly held court last week in Hollywood on the corner of Sunset and La Brea:

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