A prime candidate for the Unnecessary Expletive Overkill Film Festival, “The Evolved: Part One” portrays a picturesque London in which pet dogs have vanished since fast food chain Burger Priest — home of the Amen With Cheese and Nunion Rings — arrived. Pic plays like a pilot for a TV series mandated to use all the “f***s” excised from other shows by putting them in the mouths of humans as well as things that can’t ordinarily speak, such as disembodied eyeballs and a shark. Hypnotically bad venture is fun in a talk-back-to-the screen way.
Two British cops, handsome but twisted Sonny Boy (John Turner) and dumpy sugar-addicted shark specialist Danny Glover (Michael Down), compare notes with an alcoholic ventriloquist’s dummy in a wheelchair who claims to be an American freelance journalist. One-hour in, there’s a charming exchange between the dummy (who doesn’t need a ventriloquist because she can talk) and a man-sized upright shark in a raincoat bent on revenge. A heroin-addicted talking eyeball, rescued from the viscera in a burger, gives the best perf. Tech credits far outstrip the puerile script, suggesting visuals might profitably lend themselves to dubbing.