You will be redirected back to your article in seconds

Bob Hope one-liners

Zingers from throughout his career

“When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor’s Orphanage — he shot both his parents and moved in.”

1953

“Eisenhower admitted the budget can’t be balanced and McCarthy says the Communists are taking over. You don’t know what to worry about these days … whether the country will be overthrown or overdrawn.”

1954

“I have it on good authority that (Sen. Joseph) McCarthy is going to disclose the names of 2 million Communists. He has just got his hands on the Moscow telephone directory.”

1963

“I feel very humble. But I think I have the strength of character to fight it.” (On being awarded a Congressional Gold Medal by President Kennedy)

1968

“Welcome to the Academy Awards. Or as it’s known in my house — Passover.”

1970

“Where else but in America could the women’s liberation movement take off their bras, then go on TV to complain about their lack of support?”

Post-Watergate

“I bumped into Gerald Ford the other day. I said, ‘Pardon me.’ He said, ‘I don’t do that anymore.’ ”

1980

“Wine, women and song have been replaced by prune juice, a heating pad and ‘The Gong Show.’ ”

1984

“I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.”

“I’m not retiring until they carry me away,” he said. “And I’ll have a few routines on the way to the big divot.”

More Scene

  • Doug Davis Power of Law

    Doug Davis Discusses Using Music for a Cause at Variety's Power of Law Event

    “When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor’s Orphanage — he shot both his parents and moved in.” 1953 “Eisenhower admitted the budget can’t be balanced and McCarthy says the Communists are taking over. You don’t know what to worry about these days … whether the country will be overthrown or overdrawn.” […]

  • 'The Handmaid's Tale'

    'The Handmaid's Tale' Cast, Creator Talk Season 2 in #MeToo Era, Expanding Gilead

    “When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor’s Orphanage — he shot both his parents and moved in.” 1953 “Eisenhower admitted the budget can’t be balanced and McCarthy says the Communists are taking over. You don’t know what to worry about these days … whether the country will be overthrown or overdrawn.” […]

  • Pamela Adlon Better Things

    Pamela Adlon: When 'Better Things' 'Stops Being Relatable Is When I Stop Doing My Show'

    “When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor’s Orphanage — he shot both his parents and moved in.” 1953 “Eisenhower admitted the budget can’t be balanced and McCarthy says the Communists are taking over. You don’t know what to worry about these days … whether the country will be overthrown or overdrawn.” […]

  • The Future She Built

    Inventor of the Inclusion Rider Discusses Why the Initiative Is Necessary at Panel

    “When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor’s Orphanage — he shot both his parents and moved in.” 1953 “Eisenhower admitted the budget can’t be balanced and McCarthy says the Communists are taking over. You don’t know what to worry about these days … whether the country will be overthrown or overdrawn.” […]

  • Independent School Alliance Awards

    Charles King, Nina Shaw Toast Tim and Vicky Mara Story at Independent School Gala

    “When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor’s Orphanage — he shot both his parents and moved in.” 1953 “Eisenhower admitted the budget can’t be balanced and McCarthy says the Communists are taking over. You don’t know what to worry about these days … whether the country will be overthrown or overdrawn.” […]

More From Our Brands

Access exclusive content