Tune in Gene TV

To the Editor:

In light of Spike Lee’s case against Viacom, I intend to bring suit against the American scientific establishment for naming its work “gene therapy.”

This outrage has caused me irreparable financial harm, for whenever the public sees or hears the word “gene,” it thinks of me. The widespread use of the term “gene therapy” is misleading millions of TV viewers to infer that I am having my head examined. The result: They’ve begun to ignore my advice by paying to see “Anger Management,” “The In-Laws,” and even (unbelievably) “Alex & Emma.”

(The contention that many in Hollywood have long assumed that just such a head examination has been ongoing, is hearsay and is inadmissible in court.)

The scientific community should be required to put up a $2.5 million bond to cover my losses through dwindling sales of my pens that take legible notes in the dark and my exclusive line of bobble-head dolls of movie-ad critics you’ve never heard of.

There is a solution: (1) the term “gene therapy,” unless applied to me, must be stopped; and (2) Viacom should begin negotiations to re-brand Spike as Gene TV.

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