Taking bazooka aim at a barn-door-wide target — hinterland beauty contests — “Drop Dead Gorgeous” is a fitfully amusing satire that would have gained a lot of mileage from just a tad more subtlety. Short on star power and unlikely to get much critical support, pic looks likely to fade fast after opening weekend’s marketing push, with better prospects ahead in vid bins and cablecasting.
Premise is that a camera crew is hired to document a “typical” small town’s participation in the 50th annual Miss American Teen Princess Pageant, as publicity for its corporate sponsor. (Pic begins with a mock Mary Rose Cosmetics promo reel, hosted by erstwhile TV Batman Adam West.) The burg chosen is Mount Rose, Minn., population 5,076; its claim to fame is as home to “the World’s Oldest Living Lutheran” — or it was, until she died.
Scenarist Lona Williams wastes no time thumping home that these “good folk” are yokels. Cow-tipping, hockey-playing, trailer-dwelling, racist-talking, everything-goes-better-with-butter yokels, in fact. Early progress introduces each perky teen contestant in turn, from the spaz (Shannon Nelson) to the sexpot (Amy Adams), as well as various pageant organizers and judges.
Favored to win are both sweet, Diane Sawyer–worshiping Amber (Kirsten Dunst) and scheming little vixen Becky (Denise Richards). Given that latter is daughter to the town’s richest businessman, and that her mother (Kirstie Alley) is a former Teen Princess hellbent on keeping the crown in-family, no one seriously doubts the outcome.
But somebody is very serious about ensuring it. First one contestant dies in a suspicious threshing-machine mishap, then Becky’s boyfriend, whose eyes have been straying toward Amber, experiences a fatal “hunting accident.” Next Amber’s trailer-park home is torched, home-beautician mom (Ellen Barkin) inside — she survives, albeit with a beer can now melted into her fist. Docu film crew seems more interested in investigating these crimes than are the well-bribed local police.
Tension builds toward pageant night, as the girls go through their tacky-glamorous paces. Competing against dog-bark imitations, a “Soylent Green” monologue and Becky’s devotional dance with a life-size Christ on the crucifix, tap-dancing Amber emerges as the clear talent-division winner. (Heavy editing suggests it’s not Dunst’s fast footwork we’re watching, however.) Of course, evil triumphs anyway.
Inexplicably, Williams (co-exec producer of TV’s “The Drew Carey Show”) and debuting feature director Michael Patrick Jann don’t let this broad but fairly funny climactic set piece end the film. Instead, pic meanders on to eke out heavy-handed justice, give Alley’s foiled character an Evil Queen curtain speech and follow one character further down the national-runway path.
“Drop Dead Gorgeous” invites comparison to any number of similar exercises, from Michael Ritchie’s “Smile” to the excellent telepic “The Positively True Adventures of the Alleged Texas Cheerleader-Murdering Mom.” In every department, from credibility of the faux-doc conceit to the sardonic eye cast on small-town small-mindedness, current effort comes up colorful but short. Its worst trait is the way it confuses satire with condescension — everyone here is either stupid , venal or perverse. Pic doesn’t have the writing sophistication to render its more questionable jokes (involving anorexia, pedophilia, prosthetic limbs, embalming, mental retardation and pidgin-English-speaking Japanese stereotypes) blackly comedic. Instead, they’re just tasteless, with plenty of cussing to further delight less discerning auds. Even a goat with full-to-bursting udders is worth a gag shot here, just because.
Nonetheless, fast pacing makes this a relatively pain-free, if brain-free, diversion. The performers do their best to rise above often crude material, all the while brandishing requisite “Fargo” accents. A charming Dunst and droll Allison Janney (as her mama’s best friend) fare best by treading lightest. Barkin, Alley and Richards (reprising her rich-bitch turn in “Wild Things”) are game but stuck in one-dimensional caricatures. That limitation weighs less heavily on bit players; fleeting glimpses of the dumb-as-dirt general populace reveal some savvy visual casting.
Tech package is glossy — further undermining any “documentary” credence — with plenty of rock-tune soundtrack filler.