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Truth really is stranger than fiction

GOOD MORNING: “I have a script idea I want to run by you,” Bill Cosby said. “It’s a low-budget picture called ‘The Men in the Iron Car.’ For two hours, a white Bronco and about five police cars going — not 100 miles per hour, but 40 — up the freeway. The lead car has tinted windows and there is no zoom-in closeup, but the freeway is lined with people cheering a man they cannot see. The man inside has a gun to his head and you can’t stop watching because he might shoot himself — but remember, you can’t see it … Meanwhile, every TV station covers it — except BET, which should have been there because this is about two black men being followed by eight black cars, and a white Bronco. BET probably doesn’t do it because of the white car in front of all the black cars. Also there are 20 helicopters flying within the same vicinity but no one crashes into anyone! … When the cars finally pull over and the fugitive is apprehended , it is too dark to get a picture … I have all my actors cast — but the people will never see them. I seriously want Urkel to be the driver of the car. In one police car, Marlon Brando is one chief of police and another one is Wesley Snipes. Also in the cast would be Michelle Pfeiffer (whom we never see either). Claude Rains is driving another car, but we don’t see him as well. And for a cameo appearance we have David Janssen, just to pay respects. For the ending of the film, the picture goes to black and we hear ‘We got him!’ Tom Arnold, please do not try this. Sincerely, Bill Cosby.”

THE LARGEST UPFRONT COMMITMENT ever to a licensed product by Toys ‘R Us has gone to “The Lion King”–$ 40 million. And the toy company tells me they have more than 200 different items ready to hit the counters as the Disney movie goes national this week. The sales are expected to top “Aladdin”… Monday night’s SRO industry “wanna see” screening of “The Lion King” at the Bruin brought out execs and kids as well: Alan Ladd Jr., Jeff Berg, Martin Ransohoff, Peter Dekom, Tom Selleck, Goldie Hawn, Kurt Russell, Ed Feldman, etc … Feldman just wound his “Jungle Book” for Disney after 12 weeks in India, South Carolina and Tennessee. And on the final day on the Fripps Island, S. Carolina location, one of the Bengal tigers disappeared for 20 minutes. He is trained — but he’s still a tiger. Disney releases the tiger and “Jungle Book” at Christmas — when their “Lion” will probably still be roaring on some screens … Dionne Warwick is moving to Brazil at the end of the year. She’s bought a house in Rio, has a music-variety show, plus a deal for her interior design company to manufacture furniture for hotels, etc. She’ll retain a residence in BevHills in addition to the move … It’s never too early: Vanity Fair’s Graydon Carter will be here to huddle again with Steve Tisch and Morton’s about their second Oscar bash at the eatery. The next issue of V.F. boasts a nearly nude, Boticelli-posed Cindy Crawford on the cover plus 12 pages of Herb Ritts’ sexy/glamorous Crawford pix … Tisch, who is readying the openings of “Forest Gump” and “Corinna (2),” is also prepping the bigscreen version of the 1968-launched “Hawaii Five-O” for Hollywood Pictures. Similar to the “The Brady Bunch” bigscreen’er, “Five-O” will have new stars. Sorry, Jack Lord … Wm. Morrow publishes “True Blue” by “NYPD Blue’s” David Milch and Bill Clark. The book will include stories “too shocking” to be aired … The Simon Wiesenthal Center has published Oscar winner (“Genocide”) Arnold Schwartzman’s book, “Code Name: The Long Sobbing” a scrapbook from D-day to V-E day. And in October, the Wiesenthal Center releases the docu “Liberation.”

ANDREW LLOYD WEBBER WAS SO PLEASED with the master of the cast album (Polydor) of “Sunset Boulevard” he winged into town to play it for the troupe Tuesday … Proof they’ve parted: Melanie Griffith has signed with PMK while Don Johnson remains with his pal of 25 years, press agent Elliot Mintz … Praiser Marci Blaze marries artist/photog Skeet McAuley Saturday at Deer Valley Resort’s Stag Lodge … Alan Bergman’s mother Ruth died Monday and services will be held at noon today at Leo Baeck Temple … Pianist Joe Moreno is recuping at Brotman Memorial after suffering cardiac arrest … Joely Fisher segues from “The Mask” and “I’ll Do Anything” to co-star with Ellen DeGeneres in the latter’s ABC series, “Ellen”… Tammy Wynette stars in “The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas” when it bows at the 7,000-seat Aladdin Hotel-Vegas Theater of Performing Arts Dec. 5-8. Producer-director David Hock plans to rotate stars in the lead for a long run of the show …”Picket Fences’ ” mayor, Leigh Taylor-Young, wings to Alexandra, Va., where b.f. Dave Mason’s the new lead vocalist/guitarist of Fleetwood Mac bowing at “Fleetwoods.”

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