JUST WHEN YOU’VE REACHED the point when you’re remembering not to write 1992 on your checks, you realize that 1993 is half over. So for those who feel that the world is moving too quickly, here’s a chance to slow down and take stock of all the excitement of the past six months.

No, we’re not talking about the inauguration celebration, the Oscars or the “Jurassic Park” box office. We’re talking about stories behind the headlines, the real news events that give a true indication of the state of the world.

Here are the highlights so far — as a reminder where we’ve been, where we are, and where we’re headed.

VICKI LAWRENCE IS SO UPSET about backstage tensions on “Vicki!” that she considers airing her griefs on rival talkshow “Geraldo.”

WZZQ, Terre Haute, asks listeners to perform a crazy act at a local restaurant to win free tickets to see Bon Jovi. A 17-year-old, armed with an unloaded shotgun, walks into Hardee’s and threatens to rob the place, proclaiming himself to be Jesus Christ. He is escorted out by juvenile authorities, and does not win the prize.

Municipal Court Judge George T. Choppelas, in S.F.’s Court of Historical Review & Appeals, rules that Elvis Presley is dead. Several people in the packed courtroom boo and hiss.

Australia’s Seven Network has to cancel its new high-rated comedy series “The Norman Gunston Show” because its principal actor, Garry McDonald, has a nervous breakdown.

Pepsi underwrites an artichoke patch to make amends to the California Artichoke Advisory Board, which has complained a Pepsi ad implies artichoke eaters are boring. The opening of the field features Pepsi regional general manager Larry Evans and reigning Artichoke Queen Andrea Woody, replete with artichoke necklace. Silvio Bernardi, the Artichoke Board’s VP, says the ads can continue running and, “It’s great to get the word out that artichoke eaters are lively, fun-loving people.”

JOAN COLLINS AND FORMER LOVER John Whitney — she’s an exec producer, and he works in digital animation for films — settle her suit where she claimed he broke a bone in her neck during “spirited lovemaking.” Terms of the settlement are not disclosed.

The 30-year-old son of former Rolling Stone Bill Wyman, 57, announces his engagement to the 46-year-old mother of Wyman’s former wife Mandy, 22. The marriage, says Reuters, “would make the former rock star his ex-wife’s step-grandfather.”

Dan Aykroyd retaliates against the Melrose guard post at Paramount after his personal wardrobe person is reprimanded for exceeding the 8 mph speed limit and a production assistant is hassled for trying to enter the studio late at night. Dressed in full Conehead attire, the actor pulls the phone out of the wall, throws things on the floor and raises the gate. A security guard gets so upset she hyperventilates and has to go to the infirmary.

Vicki Lawrence walks off “Vicki!” claiming she has too little creative control and Group W’s prez Derk Zimmerman has been interfering with the show.

The four policemen on trial in the Rodney King beating “have been advised by a consultant and an agent that they should not be giving sound bites because it will decrease the commercial value of their story” in terms of selling interviews, says Michael Stone, attorney for Officer Laurence Powell.

The Bobby Vinton Blue Velvet Theatre in Branson, Mo., collapses.

Sonny Bono announces he may run for the House of Representatives in 1994.

KTTV reporter Christina Gonzalez is recuperating after being hit by a KCOP news van.

The cast of “Cheers” appears on “The Tonight Show” after the series wrapup; with the exception of Rhea Pearlman, they appear drunk.

Prince turns 35 and celebrates by announcing he’s breaking from his band and changing his name to x.

“This is not a joke. This is very serious,” says his publicist Karen Lee.

DEBBIE REYNOLDS’ HOTEL & Casino in Las Vegas is recommended by the state Gaming Control Board for a six-month, slots-only license. Reynolds adds that she’ll have a theater and do shows that will be “bawdy, rowdy and crazy.”

Orbit Video Entertainment releases “Nude Golf” and “Buck Naked Line Dancing” on homevid. The company will follow up with “Nude Bowling,””Nude Baseball” and “Nude Football,” and plans a year-end release for “A Nude Christmas Carol.”

Ted Danson, plugging “Made in America,” appears on “The Tonight Show” and confirms that the “Cheers” cast was drunk. The audience applauds.

A teen boy in Port St. Lucie, Fla., is arrested for killing a 78-year-old woman after she complained about the lyrics of a rap song he was listening to. The boy hit her on the head with a boom box, then beat and kicked her to death, police said. The youth returned to her body the next day to try to remove any fingerprints. He first tried to burn her body with crumpled newspaper and matches, then spray-painted the woman’s body red.

Jon Richard Carpenter, a quadriplegic who wanted to skydive, sues CBS and the producers of the series “Best Wishes” for injuries he suffered when they granted his wish.

Group W and Vicki Lawrence resolve their differences and agree to go ahead with a second season of “Vicki!”

(First of two parts: To be continued in six months.)

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