Pity the poor person in the public eye. Most of us have said things we probably shouldn’t have, but at least we didn’t have a pesky reporter around to write down our words and then share them with the world.

I mean, no one would ask a plumber to describe his favorite assignment, his preparation for his work or his evaluation of his own performance. After answering such queries often enough, the poor celebrity begins to feel that his self-analysis really matters.

So think of the plight of the public persona and read the following not with scorn, but with compassion.

I GOTTA BE ME

“I’m the most passionate, most loving man you’ll ever know in your life.” Jerry Lewis

“I’m this generation’s comic.” Pauly Shore

“I’m not a sociopath.” Bill Block, expressing no

regret about the demise of ITA

“I had six months of loneliness and non-recognizability.” Instantly recognizable

TV reviewer Gary Franklin

on why he was unhappy in Germany

I WORK, THEREFORE I AM

“‘Murphy Brown,’ in my opinion, is the best. And maybe the best that ever was.”

Series creator Diane English

“This is one of the only casts that is capable of pulling it off. It’s a history-making event.”

Actor Charles Dutton on the live

broadcasts of his series, “Roc”

“I did two very important things in my life–‘Torch Song Trilogy,’ which changed the face of the American theater, and ‘The Golden Girls,’ which changed people’s attitudes toward older characters.”

Estelle Getty

“A” FOR ENTHUSIASM

“It already has the elements of a major TV event, something that could be as historic for television as Mary Martin’s ‘Peter Pan.’ “

Craig Zadan on his

yet-to-be-filmed TV “Gypsy”

“The Player’ is a trailer for what I’ve written. It’s the best thing I’ve ever done.” Steve Shagan on his

yet-to-be published novel “A Cast of Thousands”

“It will be a classic.” Lee Greenwood, on his

yet-to-be filmed video “Heart, Don’t Fail Me Now”

Norman Maclean’s novel “Young Men and Fire” has the gripping intrigue of a “‘Moby Dick’ or ‘In Cold Blood.’ “

Andy Meyer, head of Port Townsend Film Co.,

which just acquired rights to the novel

MUSIC HATH CHARMS TO SOOTHE

“Boning, being one of my favorite pasttimes, has become a Russian roulette of the nineties. This being a fact, I think it is desirable to find someone loving and kinky enough to satisfy any desire so that you never get bored with each other.”

Skid Row singer Sebastian Bach in a press release

upon his marriage to his longtime girlfriend

“This album is intellectually stimulating.”

Megadeth lead guitarist/vocalist Dave Mustaine

n “Countdown to Extinction”

“I thought, ‘This time I’m doing it for moi.’ “

Shaun Ryder, leader of Happy Mondays,

on his rehab to get off heroin

The songs for the album “Timeless: The Classics” were selected on the basis of “my ability to sing the hell out of them.”

Michael Bolton

“They’re all trying to make a buck. It’s cheap TV.”

Col. Tom Parker, on a TV special

about the 15th anni of Presley’s death

FAMOUS LAST WORDS

“It should be a memorable show.”

Exec producer/director Walter Miller

just days before this year’s Emmycast

Woody Allen “has never discussed his private life in public and he does not intend to do so now.”

Allen’s publicist on Aug. 13,

on the first hint that a

custody battle was under way

“I fell to my knees–I knew I was in the right place.”

“Ren & Stimpy” creator John Kricfalusi

about Nickelodeon, shortly before the cabler

KO’d him from his show

DEEPER AND DEEPER

“Until I started researching the movie, I didn’t know it was that many people. I thought it was like in the hundreds of thousands. … I wasn’t born during the war. I was born in ’57.”

Melanie Griffith, explaining her remarks that she

didn’t know 6 million Jews were killed

during WW II (“That’s a lot of people”).

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